Apparently, I should have selected a alternate route.
To add insult to injury, I can’t get my damned accident report from the Schererville PD today because the records department is closed for the holidays.
I can see a news helicopter hovering overhead. If you watch closely, you might see my busted suburban on tv.
What a shitty end to the year. Fuck today. I’m ready for a drink.
No matter how tempting it may be, do not drive underneath a moving Suburban. Not only will it cause undue stress and monetary obligations for the driver of the Suburban, but you may become seriously if not fatally injured yourself. You have been warned.
So… as much as this pro tip sounds like common sense, it was a bit of advice that a young girl could have used prior to attempting to drive under my truck last night. Another bit of common sense would be not to run red lights. Either one would have saved us both a lot of trouble and money.
I was travelling east on RT 30 and the dim-witted antagonist was driving west on RT 30, attempting to turn south onto RT 41. The red light shining down on her car must have gone unnoticed, because before I knew what the hell was going on, this car flew up under my left front tire! It takes an awful lot of force to launch the front end of a 6 thousand pound truck into the air. As for the other car, lets just say it’s hood looked like a 6 thousand pound truck drove over it.
There were no injuries, fortunately. As my friend Steve once said, “stupid should hurt more.” but in this case it didn’t. No, the only casualties were 2 vehicles and the other driver’s underwear.
Come Monday morning, I need to have a sitdown with my insurance agent and figure out how to proceed from here, and to find out how much this dipshit’s negligence is going to raise my insurance rates.
Things and their proper uses:
- Rear View Mirror: as the name implies, it is for viewing things behind you.
- Peripheral Vision: to alert you to things moving outside of your field of vision just in case they may be of interest.
- White and Yellow Lines on the Road: to guide you on your way without endangering those traveling around you.
- Rumble Strips: to aid you in finding the edge of the road during inclement weather when conditions make it difficult to determine said information visually.
see where I’m going with this?
What these things are not supposed to be used for:
- Rumble Strips: these are not meant to be a signal to violently jerk the wheel to the left so that you can continue down the road without looking where you’re going.
- White and Yellow Lines on the Road: these are not polite suggestions, they are necessary to prevent travelling by automobile from becoming this:
- Peripheral Vision: is not useful for watching where you are going. In fact, it’s not useful for watching anything. You can’t watch things that are in your periphery. In this region, you have vague light and motion sensing capabilities at best.
- Rear View Mirror: is not meant to be used while in motion to put on your goddamned makeup!
Open letter to all dipshit women who put on their makeup while driving:
Just recently, I happened upon a car swerving wildly across a few lanes of traffic while on my way to work. As I got closer, I saw that the rear view mirror of the car was cranked around completely facing the driver, and the driver was staring directly into it while applying her makeup. I’m not even sure that she was aware that she was driving very slowly and yet effectively occupying all lanes of traffic making it near impossible to pass her. In fact, I’m reasonably certain that awareness is not one of her strong points.
So to all you dipshit women who do this: I really don’t care that you’re going to look like Heath Ledger’s Joker portrayal in your casket. In fact, had I been driving my old ’86 Suburban instead of my ’10 Suburban, I might have been inclined to expedite the inevitable conclusion of your negligence before you had the opportunity to cause harm to someone else. What I cannot abide is the danger to others that your actions result in.
Bottom Line: Put your damned makeup on before you leave, after you arrive, or not at all.